So I can fly away from this place. 

 Things change so fast. 
My motivation to get things done is slowly slipping away. I'm alone right now and I crave something refreshing and new that can keep a smile on my face. Everything is crazy...I'm losing my fucking mind and my birth control is retarded. Whenever i miss a pill i take the other one as soon as i remember but the last few times my body just isnt having it . My liver is out of whack and likes to secrete excess amounts of bile. The stomach pains that go with it are so ridiculously intense that i wake up out of my sleep and immediately run to the bathroom fall to my knees, dry heave for about 5 minutes then harf out a bunch of bright green sour yuckness. besides being bilious and  depressed, I'm looking forward to my next days off.... I have plans that will turn my frown upside down...hopefully. Manic depression is a frustrating mess.

...and friends...I miss you all <3

Kori- You were there for me since day one.  I cant imagine how things would've turned out had we not found eachother, Not to mention all the wonderful people I would've never met :) I love you dearly...one time queerly, and I'm so glad you didnt agree to be my girlfriend:) You've seen my lowest lows and highest highs. If it wasnt for you I'd still be lost<3

Chelsea- You have no idea how much I adore you. Even though you didn't know me well, you never hesitated to lend a helping hand when it was needed. If you and I were standing out in the freezing cold, you would give me the shirt off your back to keep warm...and thats why I love you <3

Jackson- You remind me of the male version of umm...Me!  Always down for and adventure. Live, love, and laugh! Thats how we do it Homeslice:)

Chase-A man of passion, a passion that burns like fire, fire in his ass and pants. You don't know whether to love or hate him, but he could be your father. " lol which is funny cause you were down to marry my mom if neccessary:) 

Alanna-Sometimes you're here, sometimes you're there. I still don't have you figured out but it seems like you want what everyone wants...To be happy, and it looks like you finally found what you were looking for:)

Marke-Lets dance! We always say we're going to but we never have that opportune moment.. Next time I see you, Hopefully I'm drunk so we can tear it up!

I appreciate you all for one reason or another and your friendship means the world to me.  There's been many times when I said, "Fuck it, fuck everything.." and one of you would somehow come to the rescue. I only hope that we remain friends even as we grow older and go our seperate ways. Know that I will always be here for you if you need anything. I love you guys <3

 I'm so caught up in my world of unresolved struggles, fear and self doubt...I'm ALOOF!
Who would've thought?   It seems what I say on the outside means something completely different on the inside.

I'm not ready too....translates- I'm not sure I can survive
I need more (money, time, education).... I don't trust myself and I'm afraid
I don't know, I'm not sure......I don't know what I feel.

It's time to let go and reach for the stars girl.